New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Randomize
