I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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