u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
