They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
