I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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