This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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