He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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