Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
