I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
