you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
