i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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