i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
