they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
