Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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