Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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