4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
