i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have feelings that need drinking.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
