I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
