Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize