I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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