I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
