Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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