Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
