I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have demons in me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
