How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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