Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
