come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
