i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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