Your tits are I can't wait for
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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