I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
