Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
