im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
