If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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