just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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