I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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