Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
