Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
