mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My liver just broke up with me...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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