It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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