giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize