There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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