STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
