I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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