you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize