so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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