For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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