shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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