i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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