I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
