Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
