You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
