PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
