Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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