When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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