her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
