isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
