seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
