Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
