New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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