I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
