Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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