It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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