Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
