you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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