Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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