90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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