So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
