does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
