im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
