Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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