i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
