I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
