I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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