all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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