also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
