He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Even my vagina gasped.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
