why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
