Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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