that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
