the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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