Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
