Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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