I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
