youre lurking in front of me
I think I died a long time ago.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
