I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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