So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
