We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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