Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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