you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
