Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i out mim tonsoeep
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