Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
