dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
