She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
