My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
