So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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