Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
