What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize