I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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