ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
time to smoke my breakfast
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
