Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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