oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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