I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
