He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
