Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
