new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
