Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I would fuck him just for his dog
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
