apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Mom said you looked used
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
