"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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