awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
