WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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