Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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